Buka Sikit Jendela Hatimu..

 

I am a very reserved person. Since Abah passed away, I prefer to keep my private life a secret. Cuma kebelakangan ni baru berani dan terbuka berkongsi apa yang aku rasa. Sejak ada blog inilah baru rasa selesa untuk membuka sikit jendela hati. Tapi tetap berbatas. Cuma kawan-kawan rapat yang tahu kewujudan ruangan ni. Dan aku harap kekal begitu. Anyway, 'Salam Ukhuwah' to any other silent readers who care to visit or accidently blogwalking and found this blog.  

Tergerak hati bercakap tentang ni sebab baru selesai menjawab questionnaire yang dihantar support group aku melalui e-mail. Support group for AML..very helpful. Share for the brave, itu yang selalu diingatkan kepada kami. Banyak soalannya, rasa macam jawab periksa pulak. Aku share beberapa soalan tu di sini dengan jawapan yang tulus dari hati..

What were your first thoughts when diagnosed?

"Why me?"

That was my first thought. My second thought was about where my life was going to journey as I was presented (again!) with a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness. It's a relapse and you can't expect much. "Miracle doesn't happen twice," that's how I felt when the news was presented to me last year.

How did your family react?

At that time, only my Pak Ngah and my brother knew about the relapse. Well, their reactions were predictable. They were shocked. We all were. Some time later, I decided to tell my sister and my youngest brother. We sat together and we cried a lot. They had the same thought as I did, to just do what they have to do to help me get through it.

How did your friends react? 

I was struggling to find the right time and the perfect words to tell them. Well, for their internal reactions, you have to ask them. They were amazingly supportive. I hope that things remain the same, though sometimes I was treated differently (in a special way) and that didn't make me feel very good at all. I can see how cancer has influenced most every relationship I have. My family, my friends, my 'sarang hae'.. I don't need someone who have experienced the same illness to say, "Yes, I understand how you feel." I think that a friend who wants to understand is enough to make the difference for me. My friendship with them is one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.

How is life different for you now? 

Well, all the cliches are true..I appreciate every day I have. I don't take life for granted as I know for people like me, death is just a matter of time. I love more things more. Cancer may suck, but it's a blessing above all. It takes a great effort to find the good things in something that we have long thought of as bad. But I believe there are good things in these challenges.

What is/was the toughest part of your challenge?

Not being able to tell my mom about this. 

What is/was the best part of your challenge?

I learned the things that actually meant the most to me in my life. 

Hmm..banyak lagi soalan yang buat aku berfikir dalam-dalam sebelum menjawabnya. Jawapan yang sebenarnya telah dapat mengurangkan beban di hati. Itu tujuan soalan-soalan ni diberi kepada kami agaknya. Semoga keadaan akan jadi lebih baik selepas ni. Percaya pada takdir..cantik kerja Tuhan.